in what fucking situation do you ever need this picture for
i will piss on your sofa
when i was in year 5, i did a speech on clumsiness for my school’s public speaking contest and to be clever, i tripped on my way to the stage dropping my note cards all over the place, but then i pulled the real ones out of my pocket saying ‘if you’re going to be clumsy, it pays to be prepared!’
everyone lost their shit and i got second place
If you got second place who got first… Did they talk about fire safety and burn the stage down or something
people say ‘I love you’ in a lot of different ways
'get some sleep'
'here have my fries'
'Im gonna draw you something'
'yeah i'll buy it for you'
'i'll watch anime with you'
everybody stop what you’re doing, its a cat cleaning a baby
"Stupid furless humans can’t take care of their kitten, I have to do everything myself."
My favourite thing is baby sitting up thinking “What the fuck is that?” Then seeing the cat, thinks “Very well, continue.”
Stupid furless humans.
"Humanity was suddenly reminded that day of the terror of being at their mercy, of the humiliation of being trapped inside a Cage."
Puppy enjoys listening to guitar
I CANT DEAL WITH THIS AMOUNT OF ADORABLE
I THINK MY HEART JUST STOPPED FROM THIS AMOUNT OF CUTENESS
Since the holidays are coming up, I figured I should post about this again.
If you or someone you know suffers from anxiety, dermatillomania, trichotillomania or find that you simply need something to do with your hands - then you may want to get (or ask for!) a spinner ring.
I just now realized that I’ve always wanted this.
A Mom went to have dinner with her son who lives with his roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how handsome his roommate was. She had been suspicious about her sons sexuality but being a good mother she felt that he would let her know if and when the time was right but seeing the two together just made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the interaction between the two she wondered even more if there was more here than meets the eye. Her son, sensing his mothers watchfully eye volunteered, “really Mom, I can tell what you’re thinking and you can just get it out of your mind, we are just roommates and nothing more”.
About a week later the roommate remarked, “ever since your mother was here the silver serving platter has been missing, do you think she took it?”
He responded, “Well I’m sure she didn’t but I will email her and ask just to be sure” he sat down and wrote:
I’m not saying you did take the silver platter from the house and I am not saying you didn’t take it but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
A couple days later he got a response from his mother:
I am not saying that you do sleep with your roommate and I am not saying that you don’t sleep with him and you know I love you and could care less either way but the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed he would have found the platter under his pillow.
When are the two of you coming for dinner?
Can we bring greasers back please
can we put the greasers away please
This guy was the leader of the improv comedy group I was in
who the fuck carries fake blood everywhere
leaders of improv comedy groups obviosuly
me when the homestuck game comes out: oh, hey, I remember buying this…. I was so excited…. just a lad back then…
my child: dad what are you looking at
me: that’s right I am a father now. I don’t have time for this. c’mon kiddo let’s go play catch that’s the only game I need. I’m 47
He is too strong!